Monday, July 9, 2012

A Little Sensitivity Goes a Long Way

Since I just recently un-privatized my blog, and have like, no followers, I doubt anyone will ever read this.  But it is important, and it's bugging me, and I need to get it out.  I want this post in here so that I don't forget, and also so I can find the link below if I ever need it.

Today I was doing what I do best: perusing Facebook on my phone while Ruby was sleep-nursing.  Something caught my eye as I was scrolling down.  A friend had commented on someone else's post.  That person had posted the MSN article, 10 Things Never to Say to Childless Friends.  I'd read the article before, when we were struggling to get pregnant.  It resonated with me, and I had the hope that if people saw it on their MSN page (or when someone posts it to FB), maybe, just maybe it would spare a little bit of hurt from people who are already hurting.

Turns out, people can read articles like that and still be just as insensitive and ignorant.

The comments from other people stated that the article was ridiculous.  That if they had to watch what they say about something silly like that around others, then they guessed they couldn't ever talk about anything because it might upset someone.  That saying, "when are you guys going to have kids?" shouldn't cause a reaction for anyone, and if it does, they are too sensitive.  That a question like that is the same as asking something innocent like, "where do your parents live?"

My fingers were itching over the keyboard to say something, but I didn't.  I don't know the person who posted the link, and I don't know the commenter.  And my FB friend whose friend it was, is someone I haven't seen since high school.  I guess I didn't want to cause a scene.  Maybe I should have.  It's people like that commenter that make the pain of infertility SO much harder to bear.  I really wanted to ask her if she would ask someone where their parents lived, if that person's parents had just died.  Dramatic?  Yes. But people mourn the loss of fertility just as they do the loss of a loved one.  It's losing the loved one you never got to have.


One was scored for the good guys today, too.  Now that Ruby is asleep, I opened up my blog reader, and saw something that put a smile on my face.  A blogger I've been following for a couple of years announced her pregnancy.  I'm pretty sure that blogger has been trying to get pregnant at least since I started following her blog.  I don't know her, but I am SO happy for her success.  I can say with almost certainty that she had to endure comments like those talked about in that MSN article, and I know the relief she must feel now that they've stopped.

I wish everyone struggling would have success as well.  To want a child so badly, but not be able to have one is the worst thing to have to endure.  It is my hope that there will be more articles like that MSN one to pave the way for just a little bit of sensitivity.  It really does go a very long way.


  1. So I just found you through YHL... read their post today with the photo of you & Ruby (hilarious & memorable!), then hopped over here to read your account of it. Then read this post for some reason (maybe because my husband & I are trying to conceive... and have been for a few years). Thank you. Thank you. You wrote it not knowing that it would help someone else, but it did.

    1. Thanks for stopping by, Randa. I'm so glad this post helped you. I hope more than anything that you get your baby, or find peace if the universe takes you another direction.